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| wedding day pics |
By Prince Kelly O. Udebhulu.
For my years in abroad, I have attended numerous
welcoming parties, parties organized by
relatives, friends and friend of friends, who either engaged in courtship or
not in Nigeria, married and successfully brought the partner to abroad as life partner under the same roof or "extended roof".
The lengthy procedures and money involved to
bring the partner to abroad after the
marriage back home depend which angle you view it; it can be meager, huge or
extravagance in nature, at times, the immigration process can be frustrating
and lots of ingenuity and perseverance are involved so far the conditions before the marriage are
actualized!
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| wedding spree |
The simple questions one may be forced to ask are
that why do Nigerians living in abroad do go back home to marry instead of
marrying the person they have wined, dined and romanced right here in abroad?
Most of these victims are well educated, well-traveled, well -mannered and
have enviable qualities. They have shown their capabilities in all matters
relating to a good partner in life? They are persons who have tasted and
understood our life patterns in Nigeria and western World ways of life!
Then, why most people go back home to marry the
unknown partner? Hope you will follow me to mention some facts gathered all these
my years living in abroad.
The
interesting reasons anchored on their "uncooked mindset" that those
partners they knew back home are innocent, virgin and un-spoilt; another fact discovered is that it is an ego
boosting exercise that allows them to
demonstrate to their kinsmen back in Nigeria that they too can bring one of
their own to the abroad; furthermore, it
allows some people to mask their "failures and shortcomings" since
the partner who is already in abroad can tell where they are on the social and
economic ladder. Additionally, some people want their partner to look up to
them since it makes them appear more than who they really are (at least in the
initial stages). Sense of self and low self-esteem plays a role here!
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| country home wedding |
Ironically, most Nigerians in abroad concluded
within themselves that those already in abroad have all "gone bad, rotten,
too exposed, and too independent “. One interesting revelation I found out is
that most self-acclaimed saints back home are worse than the accused in abroad.
What a great revelation! And in their thoughts! To make this thinking a
reality, they marry a “green vegetable" that never tasted the burning
fire. hahahahaha!
Surprisingly, you see life has a way of getting
back at us. Sooner or later, the law of Karma will come to play. Most of the
victims abandoned before in abroad to marry back home become the counseling
agents in the marriage! Life is dynamic, ever changing; and never static.
Expressively in all ramifications and deeds, yesterday's "green vegetable"
will become the "ever-present and ever-knowing" of today and
tomorrow. The innocents will lose the mist in their eyes and become like all
the Nigerians in abroad that came before them whom were tagged “gone bad,
rotten, too exposed, and too independent".
Compared to non-imported MARRIAGES, one cannot but notice that
"green vegetable marriages" dissolve quicker -mostly within minimal
years of consummation!
The sufferer will realize under agony of slow
social death and isolation that the marriage was not based on love or affection
and was not even like the marriages of yester-years: a contract and a union
between two families. It will be exposed to the sufferer that the green
vegetable and the un-spoilt partner was in dire need to escape the prevailing
abject poverty and hopelessness that
engulfed him or her back home. The sufferer will soon be the teacher to
tell others that most of these people back home want a way out of the sorrow
and the lack of opportunities in Nigeria, it is solely about running away from
the fetid and stifling conditions that stunt dreams and kill optimism. So,
when such people are presented with the opportunity to hop, they pack and run!
What a great lesson!!!
For the tomorrow of today`s sake, as for the
people who are in search of these partners back home; well, your mindset has been discussed. What
you need to be added is the fact that most people who went on such journey are
never happy today because they got what they never bargained for: stunned,
disappointed and under-achieving partners who never knew about 40-60-hours work
week; people who never knew that there are no EUROS or DOLLARS minting
factories down the street, that western nations are not what they saw in the
movies and magazines, that western nations are not nations of instant riches
and glamour. You must waka! Toil ! and gbedu ! to meet up!
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| marriage party |
Some salient questions I keep asking these
sufferers daily when I saw the agony on their frustrating fore-heads are so many
that these few ones have never been answered concretely. Why do we wine, dine
and romance our partner if we have no intention of marrying the person? Why do
we whine and complain when we see them lay their eggs in the nest of other
races? Why do we sneer at them when they turn the "ideal age for marriage"
and are unmarried? And why do we slap
the misunderstanding or misrepresentation at them when they have children out
of wedlock? It is a shame over way some Nigerians in abroad have treated and
continues to treat some of our people. It is truly a pity scenario!
...to be continue.
Prince Kelly O. Udebhulu is a trained journalist from the AIU ( USA), resides in Spain; a blogger and special correspondent to some news media internationally.
Twitter: @princekelly75
Facebook: prince kelly o.udebhulu
Skype: princekellyudebhulu
google hangout: princekellyudebhulu1
May God have mercy on them.
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