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| sorry condition |
By Prince Kelly O. Udebhulu.
"...but I say to you this day that a better future arrives if only you
know these I wish to share with you and my questions in this article".
Decades elapsed and still counting, Nigeria and Nigerians have been
unofficially tagged with the financial crime, internet scams, identity theft,
deceit and impersonation – termed ‘419’. But, down deep this coloring, there
are enviable positive attributes of the country, Nigeria and her people
nationally and internationally.
In this article, as an investigative journalist, I want to dive into
certain salient issues which I personally experienced, observed and recorded here
in abroad among some of our brothers and sisters. They are part of their lives
erroneously, foolishly, conventionally and intentionally while in their pseudo
or contracted marriages or relationships with fellow Nigerians or alien
citizens. It is alarming that Nigerians living abroad are experiencing high
divorce rates. Reasons for such divorce rate differ from one couple to another,
yet a good number of Nigerian couples are still married to each other even when
some of the ladies know that their husbands in abroad are married to foreign
women as contracted or lawful wives. These observations have played a major
reason in writing this article.
In abroad, when you hear about
Nigerians, it’s either about one controversy or the other, a nation so blessed,
yet, refuses to grow due to corruption and bad leadership, a nation so blessed;
but, honesty is a scarce commodity amongst majority of its citizen. A nation so
blessed; yet, the mindset of the average person are anchored on how to get from
the national cake illegally through political means, the sad reality is that
bad news spread like wild fire over good news. Despite all these, Nigerian men
are still one of the most loving and admirable, if you are lucky enough to meet
the good ones in abroad.
Another major fact I love to share here is that most Nigerian ladies have
had bad experiences with some Nigerian men; likewise a lot have experienced
real love and care from their Nigerian partners. A lot have been hurt, and a
lot have also hurt Nigerian men in return. It is luck that counts here just as
luck prevails upon who pick the crayfish inside the vegetable soup!
It may sound offensive but the truth must be said, at the prime time of some
women in abroad, they focus on those men who would not give them the chance or
the treatment they want and deserve. They spend their prime years knowingly
hanging out with un-serious types of guys or men with no substance (aimless),
probably because of the guys’ good looks or what I called "fine guy with
sugar coated words", only to be thrown away unceremoniously after the
plans to obtain or collect (material and other advantages) from her- sacrificed
an apparently more serious and purposeful man for a handsome but less committed
guy. In other sorry conditions, some of the women who came to abroad
intentionally abandoned or never get in touch with their boyfriends back home
thinking that they would get someone here in abroad to marry but by the time
they become aware of their mistakes, it is usually too late to correct.
From the above state of mind, some women ended up in marriages that look
like " jumping from frying pan to fire", but I say to you this day
that a better future arrives if only you know these I wish to share with you
and ask in this article.
There are situations where Nigerian women lie with their husbands telling
foreign women that they are their sisters and they even help clean up the
house, cook for the foreigner and sleep in the visitors` room while the husband
and the foreign woman sleeps in the bedroom, what will you call this, Stupidity
or smartness?
Before, during and after marriage,
the either parents never get involved and if the man refuses to take you to his
house where he stays, and keeps to give you excuses, or he tells you that he
stays with his brothers, friends or relatives and he gives you appointments at
restaurants, and keeps having dating with you at hotels or friends` house, you
must know that something hiding abounds but when you failed to realize this? What
will you call this, Stupidity or smartness?
Note that whoever wants to deceive, his relatives especially brothers and
sisters will stand by each other, even if it means lying to save or support
their own. If your man buys a lot of children’s clothes, toys and ladies
clothing more often and sends them home, seriously, you have every reason to be
worried, something is wrong somewhere, it is most likely that he is not only
married back home, he also has kids. If you noticed this and you keep quiet, what
will you call this, Stupidity or smartness?
Regardless of your upbringing or your zeal to get married, once you are an
adult, it's your responsibility to set the standard on how you want to be
treated and for the sake of the innocents who are in relationships with Nigerian
men, and are looking forward to marriage, unnecessary church rules/codes should
be viewed maturely. Many churches or religious denominations do not allow their
members, especially the women to marry outside the church. Attempts by female
members of these faiths to marry men of other denominations are usually
frustrated by their church leaders. When you see someone you love and admire in
another church but your church leaders are preventing you to go for the person
or your pastor never welcome any of the many guys that have expressed genuine
interest, just because they are not members of your church. Are you not matured enough to know what to do?
If you noticed this and you keep quiet without proper action by you, what will
you call this, Stupidity or smartness?
I love you to write this article because one honest truth about Nigerian
men in abroad is that they are very smart and good at whatever they choose to
do, be it cheating, illegal or legal ways, so you must also be intelligent and
smart to deal with them. If you know this and allow yourself to be used,
cheated and abandoned? what will you call this, Stupidity or smartness?
...to be continued (My next article will be disappointments from the
women`s corner. Keep tune!)
Thank you.
Prince Kelly O. Udebhulu is a trained
journalist from the AIU ( USA), resides in Spain; a blogger
and special correspondent to some news media internationally.
Twitter: @princekelly75
Facebook: prince kelly o.udebhulu
Skype: princekellyudebhulu
google hangout: princekellyudebhulu1
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